My beloved grandma

This post is dedicated to my lovely grandma who always look forward to weekends, I will tell you more about it in a moment.

Grandma was hospitalised for 3 weeks plus, in which she was very conscious for the first two or three days, but eventually she became drowsy and she was not able to speak. Through this period, we came to the hospital to accompany her and we thought that there is a good chance of recovery. However, we were wrong.

During the period of unconsciousness, she could open her eyes and seemed to be responding when we talk to her, but she was unable to speak. We greeted and spoke to her, hoping that she would be able to speak up and recover. Summarising our feelings in one short sentence, "We want our happy grandma back".

I stayed with grandma for a night, sitting beside her. I touched her right hand and I left my hand on it, hoping that she knows that I am with her and we are not going to give up. Eventually, I fell asleep for quite a few times, but my hand is still lying on top of hers, I didn't let go. I knew grandma would be alright, I want her to be alright. The feeling of holding on to her swollen hand and comforting her in a way, I would never want to forget it.

On last thursday's late afternoon, I came to visit grandma at hospital, as usual. I washed my hands and then greeted and spoke to her. I told her who I am, and that I have gone to school earlier. Her left eye was slightly opened, and I was glad so I continued to call her, trying to let her know that all of us are with her. Suddenly, her eyeball was hung up and she didn't breathe. I panicked and have kept calling her, and I called the nurse to check on her. It happened to be just a hoax as she was trying to reserve some energy for coughing, which was quite tiring for her. I cried and I got a shock of my life.

Grandma passed away peacefully on the day itselft, at night, in the hospital. It happened as her breathing pattern was slowed down, and eventually she took her last breath while we were present around her bedside. The nurses went in to check and one of them came out to say "She has passed on". At the point in time, all of us felt as if our hearts were tearing apart by some kind of strange force. Not much words could explain how we were feeling, and we can only express it through those streams of tears that kept flowing down our cheeks.

Grandma looked pale and so vulnerable while lying on the bed motionlessly. No matter how hard we cry and try to speak to her, there was no response at all. Each of us took turns to speak to her and touch her before the porters came to collect her body. I touched her cold forehead and stroked her hair, knowing that it could be the very last time in which I can have physical contact with my grandma.

The point of death for my grandma was swift and painless. We are very grateful that grandma did not suffer and experience any discomfort during her death. Grandma is living in another dimension now, however, not far away from us.

There are so many memories of grandma that I want to always store it in my brain and never forget them. I have decided to store it in my blog as well, just to ensure that I will always remember them.

Here are the memories...

When I was at the age of being very conscious of how I look, being afraid that I might have got a very bad dressing sense which really lowers my confidence level, grandma's words changed everything.

It used to be every saturday, whereby my mum would bring us over to grandma's house to visit her and grandpa. And there was once when I asked my sister whether I looked okay in my clothes or not. Being occupied with playing her mobile phone game, she just told me that I looked okay, without any eye contact with me, making that response considered to be inaccurate and not true at all. Grandma then overheard our short conversation, and she begun to give a comment in Hokkien dialect: "人若是美，穿设么都好看" [In english: "If you are pretty, you will look good no matter what you wear"]. From that day onwards, I stopped asking people because I trust my dressing sense. And most importantly, no matter what I wear, I always look good, because I am pretty in my grandma's eyes.

My grandma and grandpa always look forward to the weekends. They didn't tell me that, but I can tell from their expressions. When we enter their house, we will greet them with a wide smile (well, at least I do that all the time). Upon greeting grandma and telling her who I am, she will stretch out her hand and call my name, followed by a huge smile on her face. Her eyes were smiling too. Hence, I told myself that when I grow up (I was pretty small at that time), I will come and visit them during weekdays if I can. Eventually, I did it last year or earlier this year, but not very frequently. She was extremely happy and amazed during my first visit to their house, all alone.

She addressed me as 'baby' in Hokkien dialect, and praised me. She was amazed that I travelled alone to visit them and even bought food for them. I told grandma that I am 18 years old, so I know my way here and that means that I would be able to visit them whenever I can. Grandma smiled so happily on that day, and on other visits as well. During weekends, my family, aunts, cousins and uncle would visit them and grandma's smiles are just priceless. You can pay money to a photographer and fake a few smiles just because the photographer says that the developed photos would look great, but for those smiles of my grandma, it simply means that she's happy and she want us to visit her whenever we can.

Now that grandma has proceeded to another dimension where her physical sufferings end, we will proceed on with life as well, and we will fulfil our promises. Grandma, the physical sufferings have ended, don't worry and we will take care of grandpa.