The 13-year old

Year 2005 was rather nerve-wracking for a kid like me, who lack of courage and self-confidence. 

That year, I entered a Secondary School, just like many other kids. I was exposed to a whole new load of things, which freaked me out initially. But, I got used to it after some time. It seemed like there are endless stuff to be learned. The list goes: 

1. Taking the correct bus 

2. Understanding the changes associated with puberty

3. Figuring out the "right" kind of friend(s) I should hang out with

4. Managing the "funds" so that I would have enough to spend

5. Finding a cool CCA (Co-Curricular Activity) in school

...

In the end, I have managed to complete the 5 "tasks" as shown above, and tons of others. However, I did not really complete the tasks smoothly, like how some of the cool kids would have done. Let me tell you bit by bit. 

For point 1, I did take the correct bus to school, and then back to my home (Hurray!). I did alight at the correct bus stop that is just outside the school. But... On my way home, I alighted at the wrong bus stop because I had pressed the bell too early. I was really embarrassed as I alighted and I had to walk a distance before reaching my apartment. 

For point 2, I understood that there would be the start of menstruation, pimple-outbreaks, the change in body shape, etc. However, I did not know what to do about all these. During the first menstruation, I kinda freaked out seeing the bloody stuff and all I knew was that the cramps were making me uncomfortable. As for the first pimple-outbreak, I looked into the mirror and wondered why all the evil pimples had to grow on my face and lower my self-esteem.

For point 3, I did figure out the right kind of friends to hang out with after 2 to 3 years. For the first year, it was impossible for me to differentiate right away the kind ones whom I can approach, and the evil ones whom I should keep myself away from. It took many tries before finding the right clique, the friends who are constantly there for you, the friends who motivate you to do well and help you along.

For point 4, I did manage to spend within my limits, using the pocket money given by my mum. Actually, I did not have much difficulty trying to manage the funds as my mum would ask me on a daily basis on whether I have enough to spend or not (which I am always thankful for, or else my stomach would have suffered).

For point 5, the initial stage of finding the dream CCA was tough for me. I joined a uniform group called the Girl Guides just because I was a Brownie back in Primary school. On the first day of the CCA, I realised that I didn't really like it, and we were told that we need to pay for our own uniform once again (A brownie had to pay for her uniform as well). Thus, I made a bold decision. I quit that CCA on the day itself. Then, after some time, during an assembly where we were all seated, two teachers from a CCA called "Air-Rifle Club" began to approach us and took down the name of those who are interested in the CCA. Having no CCA at that point in time, I jot down my name and decided to give it a try. It eventually became my favourite hobby and I'm always proud to say that I was once an Air-Rifle Shooter and I had joined the coolest CCA on earth!

Looking back, it wasn't so bad being a 13-year old. It was the age that we had to start learning slowly on how to grow up and have fun at the same time, unlike now that as we grow older, it seems that we have forgotten how to reward ourselves by having fun. We simply work too hard trying to achieve our goals and neglect that inner child in us. Don't let that inner child in us suffer. Think about it. 

I shall end this post with a poem I wrote for a Literature assignment, when I was 13. My mum just read it and she couldn't stop laughing because of the drawings and words.      

  

Facing your fear

I would say, it is impossible for one to not have a phobia or fear of a particular thing. Some might have the fear of being "trapped" in a confined space while others might be afraid of heights. As for me, I fear of traveling on an airplane.

My first flight was back in year 2007 when I was traveling with my team mates for an overseas shooting competition in Australia. Being really young and curious, I did not worry that much while I was on the airplane. However, when the plane was landing, I was quite nervous and I felt a little comfortable as I was experiencing the "stomach sinking" feeling whenever the plane descends. I really hated that feeling because I felt as if I was going to fall and that it made me feel insecure. I was quite thankful to my friend, Abigail, who was the one trying to calm me down and she was the one who allowed me to grab onto her hand and squeeze it whenever I was feeling scared as the plane descended.

I was feeling equally scared when the plane was descending on the subsequent flights. I would shiver and get really nervous. At the time, I thought to myself that I will never ever travel on an airplane again, even though I have always wanted to travel to other beautiful countries. I thought to myself again, there aren't any alternatives except to travel by an airplane.

In April 2012, I decided to face my fear once again, after these few years. I had to do so because I wanted to travel with my family and relatives, and at the same time, I can take it as a graduation trip.

During the takeoff, I experienced some sort of giddiness perhaps due to the pressure difference. I was feeling a little uncomfortable and scared so I grabbed onto my younger sister's arm and had only let go of her arm when the "seat-belt" sign was turned off.

As I looked through the window, all I could see was small little fluffy white clouds with a baby-blue coloured background. It was kind of a mixed feeling. I was happy to see the little fluffy clouds, but seeing such tiny clouds would mean that I was high up in the sky, in an airplane.

Then, I wondered: 

"Would turbulence hit the plane?" 

"Would the plane crash?" 

"Would I feel scared when the plane descends later?"

"What should I do if I was feeling scared?"

... (and never-ending silly thoughts)

My mum and relatives were actually laughing upon seeing the "feeling scared" expression on my face and they tried to comfort me by telling me that it is very safe to travel on airplanes and there's nothing to be afraid of. I tried to listen and absorb what they were telling me, but I still felt nervous throughout the flight. Our plane was hit by a slight turbulence and I freaked out, grabbed my sister's arm once again and my heart was beating really fast. I tried to close my eyes and take a nap so that I wouldn't feel so scared, but I didn't manage to do so. Thus, I tried other stuff which could divert my attention and eventually distract me from noticing the little movements of the airplane. I listened to my favourite music and catchy songs from from Big Bang and other great singers. It really helped to ease my nervousness! Taking pictures and chit-chatting with my sister had helped too!

Finally, our plane was descending as it was reaching our destination, Taipei. To avoid experiencing that "stomach sinking" feeling that I have always hated, I slouched a little and grabbed my leg to sort of put a little pressure on my tummy. It did help as I didn't experience that "stomach sinking" feeling that much. 

When the plane landed, it sounds stupid but I really feel proud of myself because I managed to face my fear. I had even come up with ways to reduce my fear of flying, instead of avoiding it which would mean that I wouldn't have the chance to travel to Taipei with my family. I would have regretted if I did not board the airplane because the fun-filled trip was too memorable and I really enjoyed it. Moreover, many others are able to travel on airplanes with no fear at all, so I can definitely do it too! 

     Snapshots of the places we went:

                                 

 

                                                    

                                         

                                         

                                         

  

What's your fear? Is your phobia standing in your way? Does having that phobia takes away your courage to do what you want? Face your fear, just like what I did. Come up with a few methods which you think that can help you to reduce your fear or even eliminate it. 

For me, I have not totally eliminated my fear of flying, yet. However, I will try really hard to do so, because only by doing so, I would be able to travel around the world with my loved ones and to even make my dreams come true. 

It is not a shame to have a phobia, but it is a shame if you don't even try to make an effort to reduce the level of fear that you are experiencing.   

Happy cookies

During a practical lesson in school, our lecturer gave us some time to "play" with the dough that is left. So i shaped the dough using different ways.

As I was doing so, I observed my friends who are "playing" with the dough just like me. Then, I realised that from that same dough, we knead in a different manner and created different shapes. There're simple ones that are made by just using the palms to compress it and there're also complicated ones which involve patience to create.

I guess life is like that as well. You can choose to lead a simple life, but that doesn't mean that you're not unique. That is because you're the one shaping your own life with your hands. There is no point in envying others who you deem to be living a better life than you do (because that would make you feel miserable).

Live your life happily and make it wonderful. It doesn't have to be perfect (just like what my cookies look like oops) but just make sure you lead a good quality life because you're worth it.

This is what I've baked:

They don't look perfect but they're the end products of effort being put it. Of course, happiness are incorporated in it as well. :)